A child doesn't like the feeling that he or she must act as a messenger between hostile parents or carry one adult's secrets or accusations about another. Children want parents to talk with each other so that the messages are communicated the right way and so that children don't feel like they are going to mess up.

Choosing the right time to break the news of the divorce is hard. You need to pick a time where there will be no interruptions. Try to make sure the child has had no other stress around this time. It helps if both parents are present when you decide to tell your child, so you can both answer any questions the child may have and so that there are no conflicting stories about what has happened. Allow the child plenty of time to recover from the news.

Divorcing parents must resolve their disagreements between themselves without spilling over the anger onto their children. Children are sometimes chipped to avoid the direct hit of the spouse but, children always know they are not reason of their anger. The pre-divorce spousal disputes and even the divorce itself brings a lot of effects on children in terms of behavior, increase in sense of loss which includes great sadness, gloominess, and anxieties, especially on special occasions, such as birthdays, holidays, and school events.

The most important thing you can do for your children is to have a GREAT MARRIAGE! If you care for your children, marriage must be your number one priority. Parents who care more about their children than their marriage often end up in divorce or with troubled children.

Indeed, the long-term consequences of parental discord affect children pervasively and consistently in a detrimental fashion, according the data provided by researchers Paul Amato and Alan Booth. They found that children from families with a high degree of discord before and after their divorces tended to have more difficulties in dating -- and less happiness, less interaction, and more conflict in marriage.

Many couples wait to separate or divorce until their children are teenagers or older, thinking they can avoid the negative effects of divorce on the children. Much has been written about how divorce affects young children. But the impact on older children, even adult children, can also be profound.

Divorce is a time of great change for both of you and for your children. Try to minimize these changes. For example, try to keep them in the same school and home if possible, as well as the same afternoon and evening activities. Try to use consistent discipline.

When a child sees the two primary adult caretakers in his or her life constantly fighting, it causes them to have feelings of anxiety or stress. But, just as importantly, you are also teaching your children how to act in relationships. Kids are like sponges, they absorb what they see, especially from their parents. By fighting in front of your children you are, in effect, telling them that this is the way to resolve problems.

Do not apologize for leaving. If you are leaving a situation that is abusive, or where addiction threatens your family's well being, don't apologize and imply that you have done something wrong by filing for divorce. It is, in fact, a good thing and a step toward a healthier situation.

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